Autism emotional regulation is totally hard for me. I hasten to get overly upset about a lot of things that I know aren’t a big deal, but my emotions get control of me and then I lose control of my body. When that happens I get destructive and lash out. I have broken so many things; TVs, computers, shower heads, windows, couches and chairs, beds, walls, and so very many toys. I often also hit my head and pinch myself. It’s not pretty. I know full well that I shouldn’t do it but my emotions rule me in in that moment of meltdown.
Autism has been a lot like being The Hulk at times.
Roller coaster emotions can seem to take a life of their own. I try hard to be even keeled and it takes a ton of energy to do it. Sometimes it takes all the energy I have. I can’t seem to make some people understand this about me. I promise you I don’t melt down because I want to, or because it’s going to have a good outcome for me. I think that notion is purely ridiculously assumed by others that don’t get it. Poorly aligned neurons that make connections between emotional and coping parts of the brain are the culprit. My brain will hopefully mature in the emotional realm over time, but right now it’s not there.
I need to try to avoid things that are emotionally taxing for me. This is utterly not me trying to get out of doing things! Sometimes it’s not apparent to others what the taxing things are to me, and that makes it hard for everyone. For example; Mom didn’t realize that listening to NPR news in the car was emotionally taxing to the max for me. I can’t process all that killing and evil, it’s too autism overwhelming. Ever since I asked her to turn it off it’s been much better. I still have a lot of emotional problems that plague me though. I think many autistic people do.
Take time to consider if the autistic person in your life might be emotionally overwhelmed too.